Inspired by The Onion, Second City and all things satire, CSP's editorial team dreamed up these fantastical headlines on social media just in time for April Fool's Day:
Candidate Buys Midwest C-Store Chain: Rebrands stores as 'Trump & Go'
C-Store Giant Merges With Coffee Giant: Will be called ‘7-Bucks,’ which coincidentally is the price of a cup of its coffee
Metal Band Spinal Tap Branches Out Into Alternative Fuels: ‘It goes to E11,’ Nigel Tufnel says of ethanol blend
Bernie Sanders Promises Free Slurpees to College Students: Vows 'It’s time to make FCBs free'
Michelle Obama Launches Candy Bar Line: Flavors include carrot, rutabaga & turnip
Ted Cruz Rolls Out Energy-Drink Line: CruzIn will 'reignite the pulse rate of America'
Convertible-Only Car Wash Replaces Water With Beer: 'It's still suds,' owner says
Now Streaming on Hulu: 'PeeWee's Big Holiday Stationstore': A fateful meeting with a mysterious stranger inspires Pee-wee Herman to invest in retail!
Hillary Clinton Launches New Rewards App: Eliminates need for email coupons
NYC Restricts Sale of All Products Containing Calories: Consumers over 200 lbs. taxed by the pound
Next Season of Survivor to Be Shot in C-Store: Challenges will include Brain-Freeze Olympics, Cheetos Fire-Starting Contest and possible exile to the beer cave
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