A Fun Forecast for 2013

Mitch Morrison, Vice President of Retailer Relations

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Who says only fortunetell­ers and meteorologists can predict the future? So let’s spin the wheel on the silly and serious in 2013 and see what we get:

7-Eleven will score at least a half-dozen acquisitions, including major ones in the Northeast and Southwest.

Prince William and the lovely Duch­ess of Cambridge will name their baby Tesco. (We can only hope the child has more success than the company’s pathetic performance in the United States.)

A federal district court will order the Federal Reserve to honor the origi­nal proposal outlined via the Durbin Amendment.

Tim Columbus will be named lead counsel for PMAA, SIGMA, NACS, NATSO and PEI, and will still have time for his favorite cereal and morning read of Politico.

In the spirit of going greener, incoming NACS Chairman Dave Carpenter will for­sake the RV in favor of the new Chevy Volt for the association’s tour across America. (Sorry about the legroom, Dave.)

Women are taking charge of more than Congress. Allison Moran and Wendy Chronister will become the public faces of the c-store channel. Thank God.

Burgers will become the new trend in foodservice. Flavored wine will not.

Tom Kloza will not be forced to wear a unitard …

… because domestic oil production, buoyed by natural gas, will grow sig­nificantly as he predicted at SIGMA in November and as the U.S. Energy Infor­mation Administration forecasted in its Annual Energy Outlook 2013.

Sarah Palin will be the keynote speaker at a major industry event and say “gotcha” in a half-dozen languages. Biggest gotcha will be when she cashes her speaker’s check.

Someone in the c-store world will utter these words: “I love Obamacare.”

Bruce Earhart, Jeff Miller’s son and John Schaninger will form a new folk-rock band that will headline NACSPAC’s fundraiser.

Bill Douglass will be recognized as the classiest gentleman in the business.

Credit-card companies will report new record highs from transaction fees.

Hank Armour will be invited to the White House to talk wine but find conver­sation about credit cards more sobering.

Dick Meyer will resign as unofficial president of the national Tea Party and take up camping with the folks who make up Occupy Wall Street.

Diogenes will find an honest … woman.

Alligators in the Florida air? No, it’s Wawa, Thorntons and Hess raging a gladiator fight for supremacy of the Sunshine State.

Mobile wallets will make swipe reform obsolete. “Hmmm, how do I swipe that new iPhone?”

Generation Z (those born when Obama was president) will emerge and new research will encourage retailers to woo this diaper-wearing, pacifier-sucking audience. Remember, there are more of them than there are centennials.

People will be yearning for the good ol’ days—the W. Bush era.

At least half the people in the West will understand why Israel doesn’t want to make peace with those who like to fire rockets at her.

We’ll soon discover that Harry Reid was not such a good boxer after all.

Angel Abcede really is Mr. Sulu and just looks remarkably good for his real age.

Sonja Hubbard will copyright her Texas twang. (Really, is there anyone else you’d rather listen to on stage?)

Walter Zimmermann is an optimist.

Paul Reuter is a rationalist.

Nik Modi will grow hair—and not lose his touch on tobacco picks.

FDA will finally designate e-cigs as modified risk, driving an incredulous Matthew Myers, president of Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids, to binge smoke, embrace crack and back federal passage of marijuana.

The Kardashians will open up a c-store called BUST-ers.

Will any of these be right? As the say­ing goes, even a clock is right twice a day.

Happy New Year!

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